May 2010
3 posts
‘Hi, im Benedict.’ ‘Like Benedict Arnold?’ ‘Non.’ Do you like Eggs Benedict? ‘Non.’ Can i call you Benedict Arnold? ‘Non, Its just Benedict.’ Me: D’accord, don’t get your French knickers in a twist. Benedict: I can’t tell if i hate you or love you. Me: Its ok Eggs, you don’t really have a choice in the matter....
You know on your birthday when you were younger, you would always hope for that super cool thing that you wanted but you somehow got something your parents thought you would like because your Aunts idiot kids like it, so you end up really dissapointed that everyone else really is stupid and that you are pretty much just a generic character in their story that is life. Well thats how i felt today...
I remember not so long ago when the ‘I’ key on my laptop stopped working for a day or two, I felt it to be a loss of epic porportions. It was like the whole world stopped and all I could think of was words I couldn’t type. Repeating them in my mind until they lost all meaning, throwing me into a whirlwind of self pity and devastation. After some time, I consoled myself with the reverent knowledge...
April 2010
2 posts
Dads first gander at Skype, not realising he also can be seen dad points excitedly ‘Look you can see him, he still has that stupid moustache.’
Me: Dad he can hear you! Dad looks affronted, ‘Tell him i was joking.’
Friend: You said you liked my moustache!
Dad to me: Tell him it makes him look gay.
Me: No dad, you tell him!
Dad: YOU LOOK GAY! He shouts into the screen....
Its like that time we had a thumb war, you cheated and i lost so at first i just stole all your left shoes then when you cheated at Switch i killed a few people, planting your DNA like i saw on CSI but not the one with Horatio. I dont like him. You were arrested, the newspapers turned the world against you. Shortly afte r, you noticed the victims had no thumbs, you knew then it was me who set you...
March 2010
6 posts
‘Amna see when you’re old and have babies? ‘Erm yes…?’ ‘Will you still buy me ice cream?’ ‘Of course i will Sugarpants, I’d get you whatever you want.’ ‘Like….TWO ice creams?’
‘Mum, look at me!’ Humza lies on the floor on his back, flailing his hands and feet upwards with a look of slight distress. Mum looks confused but amused. ‘Look, look, Im an upside down turtle!!’ Mum dissolves into laughter declaring it the best Mothers day ever. So thats 23 years of dedication out the window. Wee upstaging bastard.
Me: Humza you want to come play the Wii sports with me?
Humza: Yeah! I have to finish my homework first.
Me: Come play, you can do it later.
Humza: Amna, I can’t.(looks quite serious) It’s very important i finish it, the teacher thinks Thomas is the smartest but he always takes my sheets to copy so i have to do my home work two times. One time with the right answers and one time...
1 tag
I would love it if people who love The Office US all wore symbols to easily identify themselves to other The Office fans and when they come across each other they have to speak in lines from the show and can ‘be’ a person from it too…I’d want to be Pam, i loves her but so would every other girl so then i would have to be Kelly since im brown and then it would be Spice Girls...
February 2010
4 posts
Sometimes words are not enough so thats why i stabbed you in the eye with a pen that i got free from the bank even though i didnt want it but i took it anyway as to not be rude, why do they even give out pens, i dont understand what their sentiment is, its a pen, its known that you only tend to lose pens i wonder if it s a subtle symbolism for something, i should ask. ‘Why a pen?’ I...
‘I really wanted to be a doctor but decided on art, its much more healing.’ Yeah, I’d like to see you be healed with art after i stab you in the eye with my pen. ‘Art is so subjective.’ No shit Sherlock. ‘I hate when people say writing or acting is an art, its obviously not.’ Makes sense, you paint since you can’t read. ‘Writing is so...
Remember when we saw those signs with words on them in Croatian but we misread it and were chased by a tractor in camouflage making crop circles. We stumbled into a real life conspiracy like the Da Vinci Code, i regret leaving you behind but he seemed like your type anyways. I still think of you, especially when i have cough syrup for lunch.
January 2010
9 posts
Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly…she’s not yo’ ho no mo’.
December 2009
4 posts
‘Amna, can we have ice cream for breakfast?’
‘Erm sure, just this once but you didn’t have ice cream if mum or dad ask, right sugarpants?’
‘Right.’
(Little later dad comes home.) ‘What have you had to eat Humza?’.
‘Not ice cream daddy.’
I like sharks, they will out live us all. Dinosaurs of the sea. They are so cool with their fins, regenerating teeth and disease repelling cartilage. I like them. Lots. They can look ominous but i bet they are super nice when you really get to know them. Id be a shark if i could, we would play tag, hide and seek and word games on our down time of roaming the seas and my best friend would be a...
I must remember that when your boss says ‘It wasn’t big enough’ (in reference to a car) that, ‘That’s what she said’ is not an appropriate response nor is replying ‘So is your maw’ when someone you have just met says ‘That was easy.’
‘He looks all D. H. Lawrence, I would…’ ‘Na, me not so much, his jauntily angled hat offends me.’
November 2009
2 posts
"Reading takes us away from home, but more...
‘Ah so how did the date go?’ ‘Erm well, he wore 3D cinema glasses, so after a respectable amount of time i faked out.’ ‘Thats a bit wank of him but enough to bail out?’ ‘Well my prescription based glasses and his nonsensical glasses would have never worked, i would always feel like he was mocking my impaired vision, you know.’
September 2009
3 posts
“A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages.”
– Tennessee Williams
April 2009
1 post
Highschool aquaintace: We should like totally hang out soon, its been like ages.
What i wanted to say: Erm no thank you, i’d rather not as your very presence makes me want to overdose on my asthma inhaler until the steroids induce a heart attack rendering me unconcious.
What i did say: Yeah sure maybe.