‘Hi, im Benedict.’ ‘Like Benedict Arnold?’ ‘Non.’ Do you like Eggs Benedict? ‘Non.’ Can i call you Benedict Arnold? ‘Non, Its just Benedict.’ Me: D’accord, don’t get your French knickers in a twist. Benedict: I can’t tell if i hate you or love you. Me: Its ok Eggs, you don’t really have a choice in the matter. Benedict: Strangely you’re right im sold, let me get you a drink.

I love making new friends.

You know on your birthday when you were younger, you would always hope for that super cool thing that you wanted but you somehow got something your parents thought you would like because your Aunts idiot kids like it, so you end up really dissapointed that everyone else really is stupid and that you are pretty much just a generic character in their story that is life. Well thats how i felt today when i saw that Borders is now an All Saints.

I remember not so long ago when the ‘I’ key on my laptop stopped working for a day or two, I felt it to be a loss of epic porportions. It was like the whole world stopped and all I could think of was words I couldn’t type. Repeating them in my mind until they lost all meaning, throwing me into a whirlwind of self pity and devastation. After some time, I consoled myself with the reverent knowledge that everyone feels this way at some point, it was only then that ‘I’ returned. It was a miracle.

Dads first gander at Skype, not realising he also can be seen dad points excitedly ‘Look you can see him, he still has that stupid moustache.’

Me: Dad he can hear you! Dad looks affronted, ‘Tell him i was joking.’

Friend: You said you liked my moustache!

Dad to me: Tell him it makes him look gay.

Me: No dad, you tell him!

Dad: YOU LOOK GAY! He shouts into the screen. ‘Can i take this outside and show him my car now?’

Its like that time we had a thumb war, you cheated and i lost so at first i just stole all your left shoes then when you cheated at Switch i killed a few people, planting your DNA like i saw on CSI but not the one with Horatio. I dont like him. You were arrested, the newspapers turned the world against you. Shortly afte r, you noticed the victims had no thumbs, you knew then it was me who set you up. Vengeance was mine.

‘Amna see when you’re old and have babies? ‘Erm yes…?’ ‘Will you still buy me ice cream?’ ‘Of course i will Sugarpants, I’d get you whatever you want.’ ‘Like….TWO ice creams?’

I want these soooooooooooooo bad!

‘Mum, look at me!’ Humza lies on the floor on his back, flailing his hands and feet upwards with a look of slight distress. Mum looks confused but amused. ‘Look, look, Im an upside down turtle!!’ Mum dissolves into laughter declaring it the best Mothers day ever. So thats 23 years of dedication out the window. Wee upstaging bastard.

Me: Humza you want to come play the Wii sports with me?

Humza: Yeah! I have to finish my homework first.

Me: Come play, you can do it later.

Humza: Amna, I can’t.(looks quite serious) It’s very important i finish it, the teacher thinks Thomas is the smartest but he always takes my sheets to copy so i have to do my home work two times. One time with the right answers and one time with the wrong ones to give to Tommy…

* Humza is my 6 year old little brother also known as Sugarpants.